What if I’m not alive if it’s not reality if I imagined all this. What then? I’ll wake suddenly among the desert [of souls] not knowing who I am unable to see. What if it’s a dream if I lived an illusion meeting other people’s needs. What then? I’ll wake suddenly among the ocean [of bodies] not knowing who I am unable to swim. What if it’s not my life if I lived not being myself if I forgot who I am. What then? I’ll wake suddenly among the woods [of bones] not knowing who I am unable to walk.
I climbed the highest building fighting down my fears of falling to the void where I lived without you. I sat on the edge risking everything I had only to show you how bright the sky was. I waited there for you to show up so I could tell you the words I kept in my chest.
But I’d fallen asleep waiting for you and my dreams were full of stories I couldn’t remember. None of them looking like you. They had skin ripped off from their faces. Screaming out painfully blurred words.
And you were there squeezing my hand so hard I could feel the pain running through my veins. You brought me to the light where everyone could see us bleeding out together and they did nothing. So, I stood there let them gnawing on your bones until you disappeared appeared in my nightmares.
Sometimes I wonder if it was even worth sacrificing so much. Sometimes I wonder if you didn’t do it just for yourself. Because you were afraid of being left alone. You feared that I wouldn’t call you again.