I achieved everything what I wanted. Worked hard for many years to be somebody as I wanted. I don’t understand I’m still missing something Is that you? Your absence. I abandoned the memory of you. Didn’t want to think about you somewhere else not being here next to me. I’m missing something I don’t understand I should be happy as I wanted. Don’t I have everything? I have everything but you.
We think we have time. We never say what we feel. We never say what we want to say at the moment. We hide it in complicated words which mean nothing don’t say anything directly don’t explain anything. We don’t talk about what’s important. We’re scared of shame incomprehension rejection. We think we have time. Until the other person goes away. Then we realize that we’ll never tell him again about anything. We won’t say what we feel what we always wanted to say that he was important to us. There’s only a gibber left There’s a marble silence answering mute questions which we’re afraid to ask. We thought we had so much time.
Pain in every part of the body, so sudden and violent, not possible to bear. I want you to stop. I could curl up with it. I could, but I cannot move. I stand like a statue in the middle of the room and shout inaudible voice without opening my mouth, I am crying without shedding tears and lie standing. Pain like a thousand needles pierces my mind and covers my eyes. I hear my own scream and I see flames through my eyelids. I am like a ghost, devoid of the body, but imprisoned in it forever.