You were right there. Looking exactly the same like yesterday. Being exactly the same person as yesterday. At least, I thought so.
I approached you and asked if the new job you were doing was more interesting, better than the one you used to do with me.
Suddenly, the sky cracked, and you said words I couldn’t understand. I forgot we weren’t really friends.
Only then did I realise that you belonged to another dimension.
You belong to a world where the stars are fading where the rain is burning your skin where the sunrises are alone and blue where the snow is covering you with shame where the only thing you want are numbers
It happened. Officially, I’ve become one of potatoes.
I’ve got what I asked for, what I wanted. Partially, at least.
How do I find it?
I just wanted to be independent and live the way I wanted. Earning money, though, has taken up all my time. I’ve been stolen the hours that I’d been putting aside all my life. What do we even need money for?
Where am I in all this?
Leaving at dawn, coming back at dusk I’ve lost myself in the time week after week it’s playing tricks on me and I’m too tired to say ‘good morning’ rotting in bed for long hours.
Some time ago I set myself a goal. I’d been so certain about it, about what I wanted. Everything had gone wrong, though, and I was still hanging tightly on that perfectly written song, I did not allow to make it happen. I stepped back because I was afraid that everything would fell apart. And then it did.
Now I know that I’ll never get rid of fear and insecurity. I have to move forward no matter what.
Walking along the paths of my broken dreams, I’ve felt lonely. I felt like I needed someone next to me. Just to hold me. That’s all…
Even though I was always lost and always alone with my thoughts, I enjoyed my solitude. I’ve been on my own since I remember. I don’t mind it. I am my own best friend.
But lately… I wished some company. Someone I could watch the sunrises with. Someone I could hug with on the sofa while watching a movie.