Lone(ly)

What have happened? Has something changed?

Some time ago I set myself a goal. I’d been so certain about it, about what I wanted. Everything had gone wrong, though, and I was still hanging tightly on that perfectly written song, I did not allow it to make happen. I stepped back because I was afraid that everything would fell apart. And then it did.

Now I know that I’ll never get rid of fear and insecurity. I have to move forward no matter what.

Walking along the paths of my broken dreams, I’ve felt lonely. I felt like I needed someone next to me. Just to hold me. That’s all…

Even though I was always lost and always alone with my thoughts, I enjoyed my solitude. I’ve been on my own since I remember. I don’t mind it. I am my own best friend.

But lately… I wished some company. Someone I could watch the sunrises with. Someone I could hug with on the sofa while watching a movie.

Then I longed for him more than ever.

I don’t know what’s happening to me.

And I don’t like it.

Just live

I don’t want anything anymore.

I’m abandoning my dreams, my wishes.

I want life to be nothing,

hollow space

where I can tuck up and fall asleep.

I don’t want your fake love

and your pretend kindness.

I don’t want your attention

and your affection.

I don’t want money,

shiny cars

and expensive clothes.

The only thing I want

is to live

just live

just be.

But I’m not sure

how to…