I don’t know why I thought it was temporary.
I don’t know why I thought I would go back there at some point. I guess, it still feels unrealistic. I guess, I’ve never accepted it.
All I wanted was to be there. All I wanted was to be next to you. Nothing more. Nothing less.
And not seeing your face for so long, it feels like something is stealing pieces of my soul, until there’s nothing left.
You know, you still travel with me everywhere I go. And like a lunatic I’ve been talking to myself with your voice, hoping one day you’re going to say the exact same words.
I opened my mouth and wanted to
say words I would never say to anyone.
I opened my arms and wanted to
give the warmth I would never give to anyone.
I wanted to talk to you about so many things, yet my lips went sealed once I saw the clasped hands on your lap. In that moment I felt like you didn’t treat me like your friend.
In that moment I realized that you weren’t my friend.
I realized that I didn’t have friends.
I was alone.
I was forced to take a step back. That left me hanging, that left me lost. I thought this chapter was behind me, and yet again, I find myself standing here. On a pile of stained sheets, showing me the faces of my past.
I feel trapped. But the worst part is that I cannot see a way out. I’m in a limbo.
in my past
in my misery
in my thoughts
Life’s like a labyrinth where all I can see are blank walls with no signs.
My goals are so clear and simple in my head. It’s the world and its humans that make them impossible to achieve.
That makes me realize that my goals are unrealistic, and all what I am is just a daydreamer.
Just drop it and live the life you’ve got, you silly girl. It’s never going to work.
Dr Ellman once said that only we can make sense of our lives.
So, if I cannot find sense
then the life doesn’t make sense
Looking for the point is like looking for the feeling that, perhaps, has never been in you.
You try to grab their physical edges, while they tiresomely blur away within your memories. Within dreams that used to be alive.
Your life, mixed with illusion and high expectations, crashed like a simple machine that you entrusted your life to.
your dreams escaped
your flesh exposed
now you’re lost and sad