Seeking

You wanted to be with me
just to make sure you deserved somebody.
You wanted to be with me
to fight this constant depression
to feel accepted
because you didn’t want to be alone.
I didn’t want such love,
which you were seeking in me.
I don’t want that happiness,
which you’re seeking in me.
I don’t want this support,
which you’re seeking in me.
I don’t want this joy,
which you’re seeking in me.
I don’t want this meaning of life,
which you’re seeking in me.
You need to find yourself first.


© W. Donovan

What is happiness

What is happiness
doing things you like?
having satisfying job?
loving somebody?
What is happiness?
You say you’ll be happy
if you find your own place to live.
He says he’ll be happy
if he has the one he loves.
She says she’ll be happy
if she makes a career.
Can’t they be happy just right now?
What is happiness
the open sky
the deep ocean
the dark forest.
I don’t want to feel when it burns.
I don’t want to see any sparks.
I don’t want to hear the rhythm.
I just want to endure in that voiceless silence.
Am I happy?
I feel peace in my heart
Is that happiness?


© W. Donovan

Spike

You wonder why
I behave like a man.
Can’t you remember I was one before? 
You’re frightened of human feelings
in the bloodsucker’s body.
Now.
I have no other choice
than to arouse pity.
So that one dawn
I do not wake up feeling
the spike stuck in my heart,
which is insensible anyway.


© W. Donovan

Sentiments

I’d like you to come here
and sat on the bench next to me, with me.
I’d like to have a chat with you
even though we’ve never honestly talked.
I’d like to watch the sea waves with you
even though we’ve never done it before.
I’d like to laugh out loud with you,
even though we’ve never laughed together.
I just want to be with you, next to you
even though we’ve never really been with each other.


© W. Donovan

Sadness

I have everything
the air that gives me a breath
water that gives me life.
I have everything
I see the world with my own eyes
can touch it, can feel it.
I have everything
can go wherever I want on foot
can create whatever I want in my mind.
I have everything.
So why do I feel this constant sadness?
I wander like a ghost in the alleys of my life
keep a shrill cold in my heart
cannot feel the warmth of its touch
cannot see the love it wants to give me
cannot hear its joyous laughter.
I see the world with my own eyes
can touch it, can feel its pain.
Do I want it to fade away?


© W. Donovan