Make your life a poem.
So here it is, another volume of poetry have just been published by myself. Another collection of words spilled straight from my broken soul. Written with sweat and blood.
It’s been my favourite one – a bit dark but heading towards the light (I think).
Please survive through the whole book, because at the end of it is the best piece I’ve ever written (I think).
Read! Enjoy!
I vanished between the shadows
of my broken soul.
There once was a boy, who climbed a hill every morning to see the sunrise. He was sat on a bench watching the sun warm up the earth. I asked him if he wasn’t tired and bored of watching the same thing every day. He told me that he wouldn’t ever be bored of something that gave him life. I didn’t understand what he meant.
So, the other day I woke up early in the morning to join the boy in watching the sunrise, as I still wasn’t sure what all that was about. I climbed the hill, catching my breath and then, exhausted, I sat on the bench next to the boy. We were sitting in silence, watching the first rays breaking the horizon.
The next day I was so excited to see it again that I almost ran up the hill. But when I reached the bench I noticed that it was empty. The sun was ready to rise, and there was nobody to watch it apart from me. As I sat on the bench I found a notebook left behind. I opened it. Then I understood…
I’m standing on a shore, staring at you, and I don’t know what to say. Maybe there’s nothing to say.
I’m standing on an edge, wondering about my life, and I don’t know what to do. Maybe there’s nothing I can do.
I’m standing on a hill, thinking about flying, but I don’t know how to breathe. Maybe there’s no breath in me.
And I sit on that bench. Tired of asking myself questions that have no answers. If I could… if only I could lay my head on your lap, feel the warmth of your body, hear the whisper of your voice, feel your touch on my hand. Then I would know all the answers.
Then I would follow you everywhere, letting you lead me.
I went to the forest, holding your hand. The trees absorbed you. You left me in the darkness. You left me in the cold.
I’m fading.
Once again, she went for a long walk, wanting to think things through, wanting to run away from everything she felt. But walking wasn’t helping anymore. There were questions in her head she wouldn’t ever get rid off.
How do you know that your decisions are right? You shake your hand with a person who has been a stranger to you, yet you two have everything in common. Waiting for them to speak up first, you let them go. Why don’t you speak up first?
Standing on a hill and looking at a town that used to be his, she can’t help but think about the only man she fell in love with. It’s been so many years and she still remembered his smile.
‘Why didn’t you kiss me?’ she asked, staring down the valley, knowing he must be somewhere, hoping he hears her words.
Would have her life been easier, if he’d kissed her? Would have she been less confused, if he’d kissed her? Would have she been happier, if he’d kissed her? Would have anything changed, if he’d kissed her?
‘Why didn’t he kiss me?’ she asked again, but there was no answer. Only the wind blew in her face, hurting her skin, throwing leaves at he feet.
Yes. I lost everything.
Because I wanted to have a piece of heaven only for myself, and I wasn’t happy in the place I lived. I wasn’t content with myself. I wanted more.
Because I recklessly left everything behind, chasing up the rising sun, and not thinking about the consequences that a twilight might bring.
Because I hoped life was something more than this. I thought life was something more than enduring in a bottomless space where you cannot fly.
Because I wanted peace with the world and silence in the house.
So selfish.
So ungrateful.
I lost everything.
should I give up my dream?
You probably don’t go back to that day. You may not even remember it. But I do.
The day I saw you, even though I thought I would never see you again. The day my heart froze for half a second.
Since that time I cannot stop thinking about you. I cannot stop thinking about all those mistakes that led me to a shore where I grasp for air, where I try to blink the tears away.
My soul longs for you. Although I don’t know where you are, I hope to meet you some day at the other side of the ocean. There everything blooms.
When I look at the sky at night, and the stars are shining bright, I think about you because we first met when the night was deep and cold. The town lights on the other side of the river gave us hope and the warmth we’d seeked.
But we could only watch it from afar for we’d been expelled from the place with cracked paths surrounding the trees whose leaves had been singing for us every morning.
Now you’re not by my side and there is nobody to hold my hand. I’m scared I might forget you so I picture your face in my mind and then I feel your presence beside me. I feel the warmth you give me in that cold night whose stars are out of my reach.
Autumn is coming. The hawthorn fruits have appeared already. I pick them up, thinking of you. Handful. It’s all I have.
Do you know what they smell like? After all these years they smell like nothing.
After all these years of walking towards a house in the middle of the woods, where so many unexpected things happened, so many intense emotions emerged, where so many painful events took place, it still feels like nothing.
I think, I’ll just wait for the hawthorn to wither.
Will I ever get there?
Believe me or not, but sometimes I speak to people that are not there. To people that my heart longs for, and who are far away. Whose faces fade away in memories that seem like dreams you never really had.
I wish they heard my thoughts back then when we were together. I wish they hear my thoughts right now when our minds are trying to find each other in the clouds.
Traffic lights. They lead me towards you, while I walk the walks you promised me. All alone, I’ve been captured in the town background, waiting for my shadow to follow me.
A few days ago I went to town to ship a parcel. While I was heading to the post office a man, passing me by, smiled at me. His smile was so familiar that my heart skipped a bit because I thought it was you. I looked over my shoulder, like last time, even though I knew it couldn’t have been you.
Since that time I’ve been wondering where you are.
It’s September the 5th. Almost a year ago I saw you for the last time. I remember that quite well. When I met you, unexpectedly, in that classroom. When you smiled at me. When the cold ruthless wall separated us. I’m sorry I did nothing, even though I still don’t know if you wanted me to do anything at all.
Wherever you are, I hope you make your dreams come true.
Wherever you are, must know that… I fell for you that spring when we talked.
three weeks, three words, three looks
Painted Poems 