22 Diaries. Story thirteen

14 August 202214 August 2022 ~ W. Donovan

So, the other day I watched a youtube video called ‘I don’t want to be here anymore’. When I saw it, it hit me like a wave of cold water. Because those words are the exact words I’ve been telling myself lately.

My life changed so suddenly, so quickly. What I’ve got left now are only memories. Memories of delusions I’d been fed with or, perhaps, delusions I created out of the words I’d heard. Delusions I wanted to believe in.

‘Unexpected visitors’ knocked on my door. I was reluctant to let them in, though. So tightly wrapped up in the luxury and easy life, given to me on a golden tray. But that life is not there anymore, and what I’ve got left are pieces of a broken shell strewn on my bedroom floor that I walk on everyday, letting my feet bleed.

No. I do not care anymore.

You can tell me whatever you want.

No. I do not listen anymore.

Published by W. Donovan

Weronika Donovan is an amateur writer and photographer. She's an artistic soul. She was born in Poland, where she was brought up and educated. Her adventure with writing began in her late teens, but she started blogging only ten years later. Her poetry has grown since that time. She started to use words more consciously. She defined the journey of her life, portraying it in four volumes of poetry. First of them called 'Ghosts' was self-published in 2019. Weronika is a loner. She likes wandering to interesting places, always choosing her own path. View all posts by W. Donovan

8 thoughts on “22 Diaries. Story thirteen”

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Poet of the Light says:

15 August 2022 at 06:36

No matter how desirable a prison looks from the outside, it is still a prison inside that is being paid for, no matter how the sentence is being handed down, each day you remain there albeit by blood, sanity, tears…or your soul.

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1. W. Donovan says:
  
  28 August 2022 at 11:06
  
  I’ve read your comment a few times and I’m still not sure what you’ve been trying to tell me. Is my life on this earth just a sentence that I have to serve with my blood? and for what? sins that I committed in my previous life?
  
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  1. Poet of the Light says:
    
    28 August 2022 at 12:36
    
    I’m sorry if any of my comments are confusing. My main point it that so long as you believe you are in a prison or a victim, then you are. With that being said, it doesn’t mean you’re not justified on feeling you’ve been mistreated by someone or many of ones. I can’t say you’re paying a price for past sins, that would be subject to your chosen theology. To get through this life, most of us will pay unfair prices while some will collect our unjust tax. I find life is a pathway with opportunities to escape a life we don’t want to be part of, and death is something to avoid at all cost. I hope I’ve cleared up some of the confusion.
    
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  2. W. Donovan says:
    
    2 October 2022 at 14:59
    
    It’s not about what I believe in, it’s more about what I feel. I cannot silence my feelings with logical arguments that I make in my head, no matter how hard I try. The more I silence it, the more it emerges to the surface.
    
    You can call me an ungrateful bitch, please do, because often time I feel that way.
    
    But I just know there must be something more.
    
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Poet of the Light says:

2 October 2022 at 23:41

It’s not for me to judge you or feel offended but instead offer you an alternative perspective you might consider thinking about. There is always something more somewhere. Even newness is something more until it grows old. We don’t require other people to validate our emotions because we already have. What others conclude is not germane unless you decide it is.

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1. W. Donovan says:
  
  5 October 2022 at 19:30
  
  I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you, please forgive me… I know you’re just trying to help.
  
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  1. Poet of the Light says:
    
    6 October 2022 at 00:02
    
    I’m not offended and there is nothing to forgive. I enjoy reading your inteligent post and offer both my support of it as well as my thiughts from time to time. Try not to be so hard on yourself. I know from my own experices, it is not easy to do or change.
    
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