22 Diaries. Story thirteen

So, the other day I watched a youtube video called ‘I don’t want to be here anymore’. When I saw it, it hit me like a wave of cold water. Because those words are the exact words I’ve been telling myself lately.

My life changed so suddenly, so quickly. What I’ve got left now are only memories. Memories of delusions I’d been fed with or, perhaps, delusions I created out of the words I’d heard. Delusions I wanted to believe in.

‘Unexpected visitors’ knocked on my door. I was reluctant to let them in, though. So tightly wrapped up in the luxury and easy life, given to me on a golden tray. But that life is not there anymore, and what I’ve got left are pieces of a broken shell strewn on my bedroom floor that I walk on everyday, letting my feet bleed.

No. I do not care anymore.

You can tell me whatever you want.

No. I do not listen anymore.

8 thoughts on “22 Diaries. Story thirteen

  1. No matter how desirable a prison looks from the outside, it is still a prison inside that is being paid for, no matter how the sentence is being handed down, each day you remain there albeit by blood, sanity, tears…or your soul.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’ve read your comment a few times and I’m still not sure what you’ve been trying to tell me. Is my life on this earth just a sentence that I have to serve with my blood? and for what? sins that I committed in my previous life?


      1. I’m sorry if any of my comments are confusing. My main point it that so long as you believe you are in a prison or a victim, then you are. With that being said, it doesn’t mean you’re not justified on feeling you’ve been mistreated by someone or many of ones. I can’t say you’re paying a price for past sins, that would be subject to your chosen theology. To get through this life, most of us will pay unfair prices while some will collect our unjust tax. I find life is a pathway with opportunities to escape a life we don’t want to be part of, and death is something to avoid at all cost. I hope I’ve cleared up some of the confusion.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. It’s not about what I believe in, it’s more about what I feel. I cannot silence my feelings with logical arguments that I make in my head, no matter how hard I try. The more I silence it, the more it emerges to the surface.

        You can call me an ungrateful bitch, please do, because often time I feel that way.

        But I just know there must be something more.


  2. It’s not for me to judge you or feel offended but instead offer you an alternative perspective you might consider thinking about. There is always something more somewhere. Even newness is something more until it grows old. We don’t require other people to validate our emotions because we already have. What others conclude is not germane unless you decide it is.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I’m not offended and there is nothing to forgive. I enjoy reading your inteligent post and offer both my support of it as well as my thiughts from time to time. Try not to be so hard on yourself. I know from my own experices, it is not easy to do or change.

        Liked by 1 person

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