Affection

Affection. You know that feeling, right?

The question is: WHAT makes you feel that way about someone? Is it a true feature that someone holds or an imagined picture in your head about them?

I was in front of screen, busy with my work. Suddenly interrupted by him, I accidentally spilled my thoughts. I don’t do it often… Only then did I saw it in his eyes.

He’s been so cheerful around me ever since. Finding excuses to talk to me, only gently, so that I wouldn’t find out. But I knew already. I always know.

You pretend not to see, of course, because it’s easier that way. It’s a bit of fun and you don’t mind really. You quite like him and enjoy talking to him, even though not talking to him wouldn’t do any difference to you.

Sometimes you feel uncomfortable, but sometimes flattered somehow. So you try to be nice and you engage more and more, starting to say things that you wouldn’t say to anyone else.

Where does it lead you?

You start wondering what is there that he likes about you so much. Is it real? Is it going to bore him one day? Will he still like you when you make a stupid mistake? Will he still like you when he sees your true face? How long is it going to last? Will he loathe you for all the features that he used to love you for? I don’t know if it’s real and how much sincerity is in it.

Feeling overwhelmed and dizzy most of the time, he finds it inappropriate. Afraid of a bond that might form between us, he backs out. With regret, though. Once showing me affection, now he ignores me. Heavy-hearted, he pops the soap bubble, unknowingly pouring his bitterness all over me. And it hurts.

I slowly shut down like a sunflower.

5 thoughts on “Affection

  1. If you like someone and making efforts, but the other person doesn’t take it seriously then after some time you start to restrict yourself because you don’t know whether that person likes you or not because he or she either doesn’t express his or her feelings for you. If you love someone, you should express and confess it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, honey, I totally agree that people should be more honest in their words and actions. But sometimes it isn’t as easy as we might think.
      Sometimes you fall in love with someone, but don’t want to love them at all.
      Sometimes you fall in love with someone, but there already is someone else in your life.
      Sometimes you fall in love with someone, but there is too many obstacles and you simply can’t be with them.
      What should you do then? suffer in silence, push it down, deny it…

      Like

  2. His humble withdrawal may be more to feeling inadequate to be enough for you. Which means he respects you more than he can permit himself to act. I’d say, he waiting for you to become comfortable and more verbally inviting. Give him reasons to return.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I doubt he feels to be not enough for me, but thank you for bringing that up. It flatters me

      I’m definitely not an inviting person
      definitely too stubborn

      i’m not sure if I want

      not sure if I should

      Liked by 1 person

  3. This is a captivating raw read. I really appreciate your ability to dig into the complexities that life can bring. If only the answer to every affectionate exchange ended in a ‘yes’ 💜

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s